Learning to Trust
by vigilantism
Summary: Written for dw-areyougame December 2011 round. Prompt was "Snow Hope: trust - Learning, one hour at a time." There are some slash undertones, but you don't have to read it like that if you don't want to.


At first, everything Snow did annoyed Hope. The way he talked. His lopsided grin. His stupid jokes. His attitude. Even his _hat_ was annoying. And all that was on top of the fact that he still couldn't forgive Snow for his mom's death. Even after giving up Operation Nora, Hope still found himself getting angry at Snow over really stupid things.

Sometimes Hope would listen to the arguments he heard Lightning get into with Snow, at night. He didn't' sleep well, so he'd lay awake and just listen. The first time he'd heard was an accident. He'd just laid there and listened as they went on about something in hushed but heated tones. He didn't hear all of it, but he gathered a lot of it had to do with Serah.

Almost all of the arguments they had when they thought no one was listening had to do with Serah. And almost all of them ended with Lightning storming off.

One night, after she walked off, Hope opened one eye to see where she'd gone. Unfortunately for him, Snow was looking right at him when he did. He shut his eye again immediately and froze completely, hoping Snow hadn't noticed him. Snow wasn't that observant, right?

But Hope wasn't that lucky.

"Hey, Hope, are you awake?" came Snow's voice, still quiet, but no longer whispering as low as he'd been when speaking to Lightning.

Hope kept his eyes shut and didn't answer. He heard Snow's boots crossing towards him, but he managed to stay still. He practically jumped out of his skin when Snow's hand ruffled his hair.

"Hey, what are you doing?!" he demanded, sitting up and swatting Snow's hand away.

"Shh," Snow cautioned. Hope glared at him, but was quiet. In a low voice, Snow said, "I knew you weren't asleep. Sleeping people don't squeeze their eyes shut that tight."

Hope felt his cheeks redden. He hadn't realized he'd been _squeezing_ his eyes shut! He pulled his gaze away from Snow and stared off in another direction.

"How much of that did you hear?" Snow asked. He sounded more serious than Hope was used to hearing him. The boy glanced back at the man, but couldn't bring himself to look him full in the face.

"…Some of it," he said, not wanting to lie.

Snow sighed and moved from the knee he was on to full on sitting. "Man. I told her we shouldn't talk about it here."

They were both quiet for a minute. Finally, Hope ventured, "You really loved Serah, didn't you?"

Snow shook his head. "Don't say it like she's not coming back. I _do_ love her. I just wish Light would accept it. She _never_ wanted me to be with her sister. And after Serah became a l'Cie, I kinda went crazy and proposed to her. Boy, was Light pissed at me then. And now, it's like she blames me for this whole mess! Nothing I do or say fixes it. But I love Serah, you know? I'm not trying to hurt anyone." He looked at Hope for a minute. Realization dawned, and he looked away again, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Guess you're probably on her side, huh. I just fuck everything up."

Hope had no idea what to say. "I think…Light is worried, too. It's not that she doesn't want Serah back."

"She just doesn't want Serah to be with _me_ , when she comes back," Snow said. He sighed again, then smiled, that annoying half-smile. This time, somehow, it wasn't quite as annoying as it usually was. The blond man reached out and ruffled the boy's hair. "Hey, sorry, kiddo. Shouldn't bug you with this stuff. Probably not winning any more points with you than I am with her, huh?"

Without waiting for an answer, he hoisted himself back onto his feet. "Get some sleep, yeah?" he said, looking down at Hope. "And no more eavesdropping. Light'd be pretty unhappy if she knew."

Hope lay back down and watched Snow walk off. For the first time, he felt kind of _bad_ for the guy.

Sometimes, Snow would sit awake by himself, holding the tear he'd gotten when Serah had turned to crystal, rubbing his thumb over it subconsciously. Hope noticed it early on, and usually rolled his eyes and turned over, making as much of a fuss about it as he could so Snow would know he wasn't the only one awake, and stop pining over the tear. Like he was the only one who'd lost something! As time went on, however, Hope came to realize that the tear really did mean something to Snow. It was the last thing he had that Serah had given him. Hope knew that if he had something his mom had given him right before she died, he'd want to have it with him all the time, too.

It wasn't like it was the same thing, of course. Serah wasn't exactly dead (at least, not according to _Snow_ ). And they definitely weren't the same. But once he really thought about it, Hope couldn't really roll his eyes at Snow's attachment to the tiny piece of crystal anymore. Instead, if he woke up and noticed Snow sitting there like that, he just quietly closed his eyes. It was kind of a private thing to be staring at, anyway, after all.

Snow started to notice that Hope wasn't sleeping even before Lightning did. One night he came and sat by Hope's sleeping space with two cans of coffee he'd gotten from who knew where and shook the boy gently.

"I know you're awake," he said, softly.

Hope frowned up at him and was greeted with the customary lopsided grin.

"Brought you something," Snow said, holding out one of the cans. "Won't do a damn thing to help you sleep, but it'll at least taste good."

Hope sat up, reluctantly, and accepted the drink. He popped the top, watched the steam rise as the coffee heated itself, and looked over at Snow.

"How come you're not asleep?" he asked. "Are you and Light fighting again?"

Snow sort of chuckled, and shook his head. "Nah. I just…don't sleep real good these days, know what I mean?"

Hope nodded, and took a tentative drink of his coffee. It wasn't too hot, but it was bitter, and he made a face.

Snow gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry. Should've gotten a sweeter one, huh? That's all I could really find, though."

Hope shook his head. "No, it's fine. I…I appreciate it."

Snow grinned at him, _really_ grinned on him, and reached out to ruffle his hair. Hope was ready for it, though, and ducked away. Snow laughed at him and leaned over, succeeding anyway. Hope made another face and shoved the man's hand away, but he wasn't angry.

They sat and drank in silence for a minute.

"If you ever wanna talk about what keeps you awake, I'm your go-to guy, 'kay? I mean, if you want. Least I can do," Snow said.

Hope's eyebrows knitted together. "Okay. Thanks." Snow accepted that, and chugged the rest of his drink.

"Try not to stay up _too_ late, kiddo. Gotta get a move on again pretty early."

Hope thought about reminding Snow that he'd just packed them both full of caffeine, and decided against it.

"Night, Hope," Snow said, standing up again.

"…Goodnight, Snow," Hope said back.

Hope's nightmares got worse when they got stranded on Gran Pulse. He would wake up with the blunt they'd salvaged from the ship kicked several feet away. Despite how cool it was at night, he'd be covered in sweat.

The first time it happened, he'd woken both Fang and Vanille, and Vanille had fussed over him for way longer than was necessary, until fan dragged her back to bed. He started sleeping farther away from the group after that.

Some nights, he only got one or two hours of sleep. The next day, when they'd move, he'd be slow to catch up, or he'd fall behind. One afternoon, they were walking alongside a great hill. Hope felt like he was sleepwalking. He trudged along at the back of the grope, only still moving forward because he din't want to be a burden on anyone. He wanted to be _stronger_ , and hw could he do that if he couldn't even keep up?

A cry came from the top of the hill and several large birds flew overhead. They didn't attack, luckily, but their flight sent a flurry of rocks plummeting down, rolling down the hill like a weird miniature avalanche. Everyone ran to get out of the way, Hope included. But his movements were sluggish, and he caught his foot on something and pitched forward. He looked up at the incoming barrage and convered his head with his arms.

But the rocks never came. Instead, two impossibly strong arms found him, picked him up, and hauled him to safety. He clung to Snow's neck without even realizing it, both out of surprise and relief. When they reached safety, Snow set him back on his feet, keeping one hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"Close one, huh? You okay?" the blond asked, with genuine concerned. Hope manage a nod, but not much else.

"Maybe you oughtta walk at the front," Sazh said, "so we don't gotta grow eyes on the backs of our heads to watch you." His tone was light, but his eyes were serious.

"C'mon, Sazh, it's-" Snow started.

Hope jerked away from Snow and started walking, quicker this time. "I can take care of myself," he said, angry at himself for falling behind, for worrying anyone, and for having to rely on _Snow_.

"Hey, I didn't mean-" Sazh began, but Hope had already stomped away.

"Just think, this is what you've got to look forward to when we bust your kid out of his crystal. Teenage mood swings!" Snow said, clapping Sazh on the shoulder.

It was Sazh's turn to stomp off after that, leaving Snow along. The girls hadn't even stopped to notice the commotion.

A few days after the incident with the rocks, they were all gathered around a fire that Fang had started, talking strategy again. Hope kept zoning out. He checked back in in time to hear Fang and Lightning deciding who would go which direction when the sun came up again. His name was the only one he didn't hear.

"Hey. Light. What about me?" he asked.

"Oh, nice of you to join us again," Fang said, though she didn't say it meanly.

"What?" he asked.

"You were asleep," Vanille half-whispered to him, leaning closer.

He looked perplexed. How could he have been asleep? He swore he'd been _listening_! Well, mostly. "No, I…I'm totally awake!" he protested.

"It's okay, Hope, we're all tired," Sazh offered.

Hope frowned and looked over at Lightning. "Light-"

" _You_ are staying _here_ ," she said, ignoring everything that had been said other than Hope's question.

"What? No! You can't leave me behind!" Hope said, standing up. He was unable to keep it in check enough to be calm.

Lightning sighed. "It's just for a few hours, Hope. You're safer here, and you won't slow anyone down."

The words hit the boy like a slap in the face. Lightning cared for Hope, but she didn't bother being anything but blunt when she was under stress. While Sazh was right, and they were all tired, Hope was the only one falling asleep on his feet, and he knew it.

"I'm safe here by _myself_?" he asked, trying to find a good way to argue this.

"Don't worry, kiddo, I said I'd stay with you," Snow said. He was obviously trying to be reassuring, but Hope wasn't in the mood for that.

"Lightning, come _on_ ," he said, looking at her with pleading eyes. She knew how he felt about Snow. She couldn't just leave him like this!

"I'm sorry, Hope," she said, and meant it, but she didn't change her mind.

It was long past sunrise when Hope woke the next morning. He'd had nightmares, but had been far too tired to wake from them. He'd slept more hours, but didn't feel rested.

Everyone but Snow was already gone when he pulled himself out from under his blanket. Snow was his usual smiling self. He offered Hope a fruit he'd found. They'd been eating them for a few days, and knew they were safe, so Hope didn't have to rely solely on Snow's judgement of what was edible.

"Hey, sleepyhead. figured you could use it, so I let you sleep. Feel any better?" Snow asked, peeling the hard rind off the fruit before he actually gave it to Hope.

Hope shrugged. So Snow was the reason he'd slept so long. Sort of. He couldn't quite get mad about it, though. Snow was really trying to help.

Not being mad wasn't the same as not sulking, though. It wasn't that he _meant_ to be sulky; he was just still miffed that Lightning had left him behind. And with _Snow_ of all people.

Okay, so Snow had been nothing but nice to him. And he'd brought him coffee that one time, and offered to listen when even Lightning hadn't paid attention to the fact that he was having nightmares. He'd been there when the rocks had failed. And he _offered_ to stay here, instead of running off and being a "hero" like he usually did. This was probably way more boring than whatever the others were doing. He'd even peeled that stupid fruit.

Hope looked across the camp to where the big blond man had gone. He was using a knife he'd borrowed from somebody to skin some sort of small animal. Fang had taught him that, Hope remembered. He himself hadn't learned, because it made him gag just thinking about it. But Snow was just doing it, concentrating totally on the work without complaint or getting grossed out by it. His tongue was poking out of one side of his mouth as he concentrated, making him look pretty silly. Even Hope had to laugh at that.

Snow heard, and looked up, eyes wide with surprise. He saw Hope looking at him and waved with the hand holding the animal carcass. He realized he'd done that when Hope scrunched up his face at him, and switched hands, smiling that goofy smile the whole time. Hope was surprised to find that smile kind of endearing, for once. It crossed the blond's face so easily. Hope had a hard time smiling at all, especially lately, but Snow wore a smile like he'd been born with one there.

Snow went back to skinning. He got the fire going again and put the animal over it on a spit. It would take hours to cook fully, and it wasn't pretty, but after a bit, it started to smell _delicious_. Hope, who had long finished his fruit by then, finally moved closer.

"So," Snow said, noticing the boy's closer proximity almost immediately, "you actually gonna talk to me? 'Cause it's kinda lame, just being all by myself. If it's this quiet much longer, I'm gonna do something crazy like start singing. And I am a _terrible_ singer, so no one wants _that_."

Hope could only imagine. "No, I'll talk, if you promise me you won't try to sing."

Snow laughed. "It's a pretty good threat, right? You got yourself a deal."

Hope nodded, but a couple silent minutes ticked by and he realized he had no idea what to _say_.

"You do know what 'talking' entails, right?" Snow asked, teasing.

Hope frowned at him, but nodded. "Yeah, sorry, I guess…I don't know what to talk about."

There was still silence for a moment, before Hope finally worked up the courage to have a real conversation.

"What was she like?" he asked.

Snow blinked at him. "Huh?"

"Serah, I mean," Hope said, sounding more uncertain when he said her name.

Snow smiled, though it wasn't his usual one, and looked up at the sky. "Serah? She's amazing. Thoughtful, and kind, and funny."

"Is she pretty?" he asked. He'd seen her, of course, very briefly, but he had been too upset to pay any attention to her.

Snow laughed at looked back at Hope. "Of course she is! Way prettier than her sister is."

Hope had to smile back; Snow's enthusiasm was infectious. Lightning was _really_ pretty, so it was hard for him to imagine Serah being prettier. But Snow loved her, after all, so it was probably normal that he thought that way.

Hope lapsed back into silence and looked down at his hands. He really didn't know what he could possibly say to Snow. They had nothing in common. The way they acted was practically opposite. He'd _hated_ Snow so intensely, and sometimes it was a little hard to let go of that feeling entirely. There were still moments, when he thought back, and he hated Snow all over again, even though he didn't mean to. Now that he knew Snow, he knew the man wasn't someone to hate, but he couldn't _help it_ , every now and then.

"Hey, Hope," Snow said.

Hope looked up. "Yeah?"

"Your mom, she…she asked me to do something, before she, uh…before."

Hope could feel the anger somewhere inside him, and tried not to let that show on his face. "W-what?"

Snow rubbed the back of his neck, looking nervous. "She asked me to make sure you got home. And I know I kind of fucked that up, but we'll get there. We'll save Cocoon, and rescue Serah and Dajh, and find your dad and I'll get you home. So, even if you're pissed at me, that's fine, but I'm not gonna break that promise."

Hope stared at Snow, wide-eyed. His mom had really asked that? Well, it sounded like something she'd ask, and he'd never heard Snow tell a lie, but… He could feel his throat get too tight, and tears stung his eyes suddenly. He nodded, unable to speak, and unsure of what he would say even if he could.

Snow looked like he was going to say something else, but a yell in the distance distracted him. Fang and Vanille were returning to the camp. He stood up and went to meet them, leaving Hope alone with his thoughts.

The others returned not long after that, looking tired and harried. They all went to talk about where they'd go next from here, on their way to Oerba, but Hope didn't even bother to listen. He got up and wandered off by himself, figuring they'd be fine without him. They had been all day, after all, and he had a lot to think about.

He'd seen how devoted Snow was to rescuing Serah. Even when everyone else was sure it was futile, Snow refused to give up. He was seriously stubborn! But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. And he wasn't a bad guy or anything, despite what had happened with Hope's mother. Hope had never worked up the guts to ask Snow his side of it; the hurt was still too fresh and too real. He knew Snow hadn't meant to let her die, but he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it anyway. He was still angry, and now the only people he could blame were unreachable, back on Cocoon. All he could do was get stronger, and keep going, and…trust everyone he was with, including Snow.

Later that night, they all crawled into their bed rolls to sleep. Hope fell asleep easier than he usually did, but he woke up in the middle of the night all the same. Much to his surprise, Snow was there, almost immediately.

"Hey, it's okay, it's just a dream," he whispered, pulling the boy up and into his arms. Hope let Snow hold him, and they stayed there a long time. Hope had a hard time holding back his tears. He knew he shouldn't be like that, knew he should be _stronger_. Snow didn't say anything, though; he just held him and let him cry. After awhile, the tears ran themselves out again. He pulled away and wiped his eyes as best he could.

Snow kept a hand on his shoulder. "You okay, kiddo?"

Hope nodded.

"You wanna come sleep closer to me? I won't let anything happen to you, you know."

Hope's eyebrows knitted together, and he hesitated. After a minute, though, he nodded. Snow moved his bedroll closer. They settled back down to sleep, and Snow wrapped one strong arm around Hope. It was odd, but Hope felt safe there, like maybe Snow's words meant something. Maybe bad things could finally stop happening, if he just trusted that.

That was the first time in a long time that the nightmares didn't come back.


End file.
